this is where the step back comes in...

Today it was bugging me way more than usual thinking about the fact that I left ex-C a message a month ago and he still hadn't called back.

generally i shrug my shoulders and tell myself so what..his level of interest in what i have to say and his level of respect for returning a call in a decent and polite span of time obviously is lacking.

so eating the marshmallow, I called to call him on it. he profusely apologized, as one does when trapped and said that he thought about it every day when he drove by my place. well isn't that nice.

we chatted briefly yet of nothing of importance or interest - i asked him if i should let him go as i was just really calling to ball him out and now that i'd done it i could hang up. he said yeah, he was still at work and prefered to talk over a drink than on the phone and what was i doing later?

I've been feeling rock steady as of late - about me, life, boys.
Rock fucking steady.
So I said okay. he had some laundry to do but would call me after.

i went to spinning, played with pictures on the computer, did some of my own laundry, blogged. did my hair. waited.

he called. chit chat.
"whatcha doing?"
"how was laundry"
"I didn't end up getting to the laundry. J stopped by and we ended up having a bbq and he just left......and P came over after work"....

pause. it takes me a few seconds before the subtext sinks in.
P= girlfriend. P is likely still there. we arent going for a drink.

"oh - i should let you go then"
"yeah, but do you still want to get together for a drink - next week?"
"sure"
"I'll call you"
"sure"

I don't know why but that just all felt really gross.
so here we go with that damn step back.