bottle service

'bottle service'
whereby you purchase bottle of vodka for $200, get VIP status and a cute wristband to prove it, bypass the huge line outside and get cover waived.

i don't recommend it.

- i'm still in bed ridiculously hung over and my parents show up in 1/2 hour and i'm supposed to cook them dinner
- it's expensive
- my left wrist hurts and i can't explain why
- my jeans and socks are in a pile on the kitchen floor
- my shirt and underwear are still on
- i slept in my contact lenses
- i have 12 blank text messages i sent to various people
-my girlfriends called me this morning to ask if i was okay because the bouncer told them 'i had to leave'.
- i thought i left on my own accord.
- i remember talking to a boy most of the evening...don't remember how it ended but feel contempt and irk when i think about it so i'm guessing not well.

just say no to bottle service.

the kettle

Tea drinkers at work drive me bananas.

No one seems to ever refill the kettle.

I have even had people steal my kettle water. I'll go in to the kitchen, fill up the kettle , turn it on, "prepare my mug"(as a signal to back off, this water is mine) and then go off to accomplish something or other until the water has boiled.

I came back once and someone had drained my kettle water and as she was leaving the kitchen exclaimed in feigned concern "oh, do you have enough"?

I did. But only because I was fucking nice and smart enough to actually fill the damn thing up in the first place.

good habits

As children we are taugh to:

- wear your seatbelt
- look both ways
- finish your vegetables
- wash your hands
- brush your teeth
- don't talk to strangers

Life long habits soley designed to keep us safe and healthy.

Habits that now are so second nature, when i crawl into bed without brushing or ride in a cab without buckling up, i actually feel a bit guilty.

But where or what, I ask, are the lessons and habits being instilled that teach us how to protect ourselves against all of the other forces of nature.

- getting picked last
- being cheated on
- getting dumped
- being bullied
- failure
- rejection
- not being in the 'in' crowd

(the list i'm sure could go on and on)

It is far more likely that the impact of low self-esteem or lack of confidence is more damaging than a few cavities or uneaten brussel sprouts. The seatbelt one is arguable - but even then I'm sure many would agree emotional injury, the dissolving of one's spirit and the inability to live your best life could be considered far more tragic than being tossed through the front windshield.

And as sad and futile as this realization is, I fully recognize that often it is those teaching the good brushing habits who end up doing the most damage.

Victim

Apparently the 'vintage' Chanel dress Reese Witherspoon wore at the Globes this week was a) not actually Vintage and b) worn by Kristen Dunst in 2003 to the same awards.

Apparently Chanel and Reese are 'both embarassed' and Reese was not only a "a victim of people just not doing their job correctly" she was a "victim of fashion powers that be."

My good friend J volunteers with a victim services unit in her town and is often called in to help counsel and provide support to victims and families of tragic accidents or circumstances (car accidents, murders, rapes).

I'm sure she is more than qualified to help out in what must be an obviously horrific and difficult time for Reese.

the formula for invisibility

tonight, walking along bloor near church, a homeless man rattling his coin cup energetically trying to sell his wares, was inviting passersby to "come sit down and find out about the formula for invisibility". I think i even detected the hint of a jingle.

Interesting product -- having just come from hearing Ross Smith, a veritable 'Branding Guru' speak about reaching your customers by tapping into their emotions,...i think, with a little bit of fine tuning, this man would have himself one heck of a lucrative business.

ego

the last week or so has sucked for the ego.

it made me think...what is the actual shape of one's ego? round? ranging from the size of a grape to a beach ball...or perhaps the moon? or more like a measuring cup....increasing and decreasing in levels depending the situation?

does it fill from feet up? the bigger the ego, the more of your body it fills?

in reality I know the ego can't (though i dropped anything to do with science, social or otherwise in grade 10) be physically measured but if it were...what would it look like?

compensation

So it seems i've traded the marshmallow for a late night chicken shwarma with all the sharma type fixins.

i'm not sure this is really going to be a beneficial and effective long term solution.

it's not about the dress

This afternoon i met up with a friend as she took another stab at finding her wedding dress. Vera Wang was having a sample sale and good god, was it ever a great sale. The dresses were stunning and at prices even i would happily pay.

It ached a little, watching her and the other women there try on those beautiful dresses. My friend tried to convince me to put on the one i fell in love with, but i just wasn't buying her kind of crazy today. Don't get me wrong I would have loved to play dress up but I realized really, it isn't the dress i wanted to experience. Rather, I want everything that leads up to that moment when i 'find my dress', as well as all of the moments that will follow in the weeks, years and decades after the dress gets hung back up.

It will happen. Whether that's true or not, only time will tell. I have to believe there is a great love ahead for me and hopefully, with any luck, Vera will once again be cleaning house when it is.

seriously?

I have been growing slowly disillusioned with the whole lavalife experience for a while now.

it hasn't been bad enough that the only attention i seem to be getting as of late, is from 45 year old balding men with potbellies and beards. No, you see, this morning I was IM'ed (which i never respond to) by "I LOVE FEET" who basically professed his love of feet. in sock, stockings or bare...and loves to give foot massages and was i interested in knowing more?

so now it seems, things have progressed (in what direction i'm not entirely sure) from attracting men experiencing mid-life crises to fetish freaks. And a 40 year old woman ranting about all of the assholes on lava just smiled me. Great, now im getting other dissillusioned women switching teams. is this my fate?

fabulous.

higher education

tonight i started a course on portrait photography at a college in town. I am relatively clueless when it comes to using anything other than natural light. I have never learned well from books or self-teaching and so I embark on 42 hours of further education.

It looks like it will be quite a good class...but as typical in these continuing ed type courses, the experience level varies...greatly. I am no rock star when it comes to photography but i've been at it long enough that many things are second nature, instinct or when in doubt, I can at least talk a decent game.

Not the case for a few....a lot of others in the class.

"umm, like I think i have a good eye, but like, a lot of times it's luck, and like I just want to know..you know?"

"I want you to teach me how to capture their soul".

There were "pre-requisites courses" recommended that many who are taking the course have. I do not have these. I guarantee i will still be better. Of course that is by no means the point of taking the class. I know it's all about 'self improvement' and 'self-satisfaction'. It's not a competition.

but if it were...i'd win.

the world is my oyster

Yesterday I turned 30 and everything about it rocked. I am quite proud of the fact i've managed to surround myself with really wonderful people.

Two of my closest friends T & E gave me a beautiful necklace - a silver oyster with a tiny pearl inside. when i opened it I was more excited by the fact they had cleverly packed it in a gift bag filled with marshmallows (if you are confused, read this: http://2stepsforward1back.blogspot.com/2005/11/marshmallows.html ) to really digest the wonderfulness of the gift itself.

today, i had a chance to reflect a little less on the marshmallows (which now fill an unused vase on my mantle) and more on the treasure that hangs around my neck. i love it and know it will prove to be a true reminder that i'm able, capable and destined to do anything and everything i want.

Intersections

Walking to work this morning, random sighting of Alice, C's beloved 1990 Acura Integra. At times I believed, and definitely near the end, tha he loved that damn thing more than me. Second time in the past few months we've crossed paths travelling to work, last time it was on the Gardiner of all places as he flew past me & waved.

Perhaps that is what we are meant to do - speed past one another, periodically, as a reminder we’re in motion. On paths that will dissect in random ways both unintentionally and maybe at some point more intentionally – to remember what we came from and to fill each other in on where we’ve been since, where we are and where we’re headed.

when i grow up...

when i grow up i want to be:

• an editor (the film/tv kind, not book)
• an Olympic synchronized swimmer
• a photographer
• a geographer
• a wife
• a mother
• fulfilled.
  

these boots were made..to match my outfit

I was ahead of my time.

Tonight I phoned home, likely in vain, to get mum to check the garage for my old pair of cowboy boots. If anything was going to come back in style, I can't believe it was those. What's next harem pants?

Likely my boots are long gone and I will succumb and perform the biggest fashion crime and buy an outrageously expensive pair only to watch them go out of style in a few short months. weeks.

but i have noticed..fads seem to be lasting longer these days. That, or i'm just getting too fucking old to care when something i'm wearing has become completely faux pas.

New Years

i'm not sure i've entirely dealt with the fact that it's new years.