Looking back, as we often do at this time of year, I can see rather clearly, the path I've been for the past few years and can reconfirm, quite wonderfully, I have stopped looking back to the past or craning my neck to see what is over the horizon. Instead, I'm truly embracing this time and space. Though while I love, love, love, the sense of calmness and clarity this journey has created, I've realized that "hanging out in the now" can only get one so far in life. Because we must keep moving forward with momentum and purpose.
Which brings me to my *problem*. It would seem I'm in this sort of "inbetweenness" and lack any sense of real direction. I don't know which way to turn, what doors to open and which ones to close. I'm all talk, no action. Great map reader, terrible explorer.
I've been trying to convince myself (and likely many others) that I'm just enjoying the ride when really, I'm scared shitless. I fear I will never take the bull by the horns and will merely continue to float on by and let life happen to me, rather than happen to it.
The therapist I dragged myself to (all of one time) this past summer, told me she thinks I'm in the Fertile Void, and went on to explain that this is actually a period in one's life where a lot of work gets done.
A space that for all its nothingness, is apparently full of richness where one grows ripe for the picking. I kind of imagine it as a big wide open field, one unmarked by time or man and full of flowers and other lovely things.
A space to ruminate and contemplate what is next. What it is I want, and who it is I want to be. Where I gather the courage to take the risks and fulfill the goals I dream about - career wise, health wise, love wise or otherwise.
So I've decided i'm going to pull off the path and Christopher Columbus my way around this lovely wide open field for a while and see what shakes out.
2008 will be a good year I think.
