these waves are kicking my pasty white ass.

on a positive note, i have met a nice couple who have introduced me to the joy of kicking back in the evening, drinking a few beers and making shell art.

everyone from home will be getting very special christmas tree ornaments.

i also have managed to attract the attention of a 23 yr old military boy who has been to Iraq 2 times so far and likes his 'job' because he has his own air conditioned trailer, an xbox, good supply of booze and every now and then he gets 'the call', jumps in a helicopter, goes to some house, kicks the door in and...well..I can just guess. then he's back at his xbox to pick up where he left off within the hour. yay war.

gut

Lately, there have been a few decisions, in both my professional and personal life where for some reason, i've had a gut reaction or feeling about something...and ignored it. Ignored it because I had no proof or back up to what I was thinking/feeling. turns out I should have followed it but didn't.

Didn't because since the agonizing days of essay writing at uni, to the reports and recommendations I have to make about strategies at work, I've always had to back up my opinions with solid, provable reasons. I've learned that to convince someone of something, you need to provide three points as to your position and that, in most cases, will do the trick in getting your way.

I leave for Costa Rica tomorrow for another attempt at finding my inner surfchick.
perhaps it's because despite being an uber planner, i've had no time to actually plan this trip other than booking my flight. because it's 12:30 AM and I leave at 7 am and have only somewhat finished packing. because I think i know the town I want to go to when I get there but haven't booked my internal flight to get there. because I have no idea where im staying once I finally arrive.

it could be that stuff.
once a planner always a planner i think.
but there's something else niggly. and to simply say, i feel weird and don't think I should go sounds and feels silly dumb.

so im going
and if it all goes horribly wrong, well...i told myself so.

*Progressive* Conservatives my ass.

So the Tories are planning to propose tax cuts for couples - allowing the happily marrieds to pool their salaries to reduce their tax burden. How nice for them. Registries, fancy dress parties and someone to go to home depot with on Saturdays...it's not enough couples get all that, but now promising to love till *death do you part* also means you have to fork over less to the feds?

I've been thinking lately that really, marriage ends up being one of two things - a label if you let it - a foundation if you want it. And the more I see the *benefits* of this so called institution, the more I get terribly confused by the whole fucking thing.

ps. this is in no way a slight to a miss J who got hitched on the weekend - i'm just hating my singleness at the moment and Harper is not helping matters.

crap.

my director today informed me that he has put in a request to our IT dept for a crackberry for me.

fuck.

i am now one of *those* people.

the power of the beat box & live loop

Last night I probably went to the best concert of my life - in what admittedly is a rather sad history of concert going. For the most part, I finally realized, I find them a let down. Boring. Nothing more than a mirror sound image of the artist or group's latest album which tends to end up acting as a soundtrack as my mind wanders to everywhere but the stage.

But the Imogen Heap gig at Massey Hall (with stellar opening acts - Kid Beyond & Levi Weaver wasn't a typical concert - it was a show in the true sense of the word, one that was created moment by moment, culminating in a total aural/visual experience that completely blew my mind.

the one

tonight at girls' monday night dinner we raided J's closet and all found dresses to wear to her fete. it will be J's army of couture in full effect.

somewhere in that closet of heaven I also found the one. my wedding dress. It was her party dress take one, a purchase from a few years past when she and the C-man were in a different space. lulcky for me take one has been usurped by her now *perfect* match.

now I have to find a man I love just as much.
okay fine.
love more.
this poses a challenge.